A Break Up Letter

 

Today, after a bit of a serious diagnosis, my doctor has told me that I must give up all fried foods (sigh... ok), bacon (really?), sausage (I'm okay with that) and cheese (WHAT THE FUCK?).

 

Anyone who know me knows that I eat mac and cheese at least five times a week. This is no exaggeration. How will I ever live without it??

 

Unfortunately, after much pleading and a few tears (literally) my doctor has forced me to let my habit go. And so here it is, my break up letter:

 

 

Dear Mac and Cheese,

I wish I never had to say goodbye to you, Mac and Cheese. I wish that our creamy and noodley moments could have lasted a lifetime. Trust me, quitting you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You stole my heart when you were nothing more than a bright orange mess from a Kraft box. You won it forever when you became organic and white.

I know others have judged you for being easy and cheap. But we both know I never have. I loved you for those exact reasons. I forsook all others for you. I let vegetables rot in my fridge, cans of beans collect dust in my pantry, casserole dishes remain unused for months on end. All for you!

Your magic powder sauce, your strangely tiny noodles, the food poisoning I got from you when someone added bad bacon once. All these memories will be eternally etched in my heart.

I already miss you.

You should know, Quinoa has asked me out tonight. For a year I have shot him down because of you. But tonight I have said yes. I will probably even sleep with him. I know he will never love me the way you did. But he isn’t trying to kill me so I feel it is time to give him a chance. You don’t care about my life, Mac and Cheese. Or my cholesterol levels or my liver. You never have. But Quinoa does. And I deserve that.

Our relationship had become toxic. Quite literally. And because of you I must now undergo surgery and radioactive treatments. I should have got tested long ago. I knew better than to take you to bed unprotected. Eat you out of bowls while lying naked and unaware. It pains me to even think of it.

I’ll always love you, I truly will. The time we had together will forever bring me happiness and I hope you can one day forgive me for leaving you this way. Remember that one time you bet me I couldn’t add real cheese and make you taste any better? And I did? And you did? And I ate two boxes of you and vomited. Oh, how we laughed. That’s the day I knew I was in love with you.

I didn’t mean this farewell to be so lengthy but walking away from you was never easy for me, was it? Lately, however, you have gotten violent and I have seen you in restaurants with other women.  I don’t want to be “one of your women”, Mac and Cheese.  I’m better than that and I wish you would have thought the same.

Sincerely,

The One Girl Who Loved You More Than Anything