Moody Sex & Mac and Cheese

MOODS

I cannot shake this good mood but I think I have discovered its source. I blame it on the sex. In fact, the correlation between my moods and sex is frightening. ‘No sex’ me can get very grumpy and snarky. ‘Long time no sex’ me is pissy and mean. Sex me is happy and hyper. ‘Great sex’ me is fabulous. So there you go. That’s the formula to my mental wellbeing. Which is either really awesome or really pathetic. I’m going with awesome.

The only problem with this new discovery is that I’m not a slut or a many-partners kind of girl. Which means that when I am single there are a lot of grumpy and snarky days.  I suppose this is okay. I’m kind of funny when I am snarky. Maybe even hilarious.  

Anyways, welcome to my awesome mood. I think it is safe to say that Wil is at fault for this. Why? Because he has been self-sacrificing enough to deliver my mandatory three times a week minimum. He is truly a brave soldier. An immensely confusing, irritatingly smart, horribly egotistical, brave soldier. In fact, I am often torn between punching him in the throat or dragging him into the bedroom. It is obvious which choice I am currently making. If you see me getting grumpy, it means Wil is probably not swallowing his food well.   

 Why am I sharing this with you, you ask? Because I can. Never question me again.

LAST NIGHT

Yes, I downed an entire bottle of champagne. This usually just gives me a good buzz (tells you something about my tolerance, doesn’t it?) but because the only things I ate yesterday were two spoonfuls of rice and three spoonfuls of beans, I got rather sloshed. Here is why I love my friends:

Carrie: You seem very drunk. I can tell because you get this look on your face.

Me: Am I really that drunk?
Wil: You’re hammered.
Me: But all I’ve had is champagne. This is ridiculous!
Carrie: Did you eat today?
Me: Not really.
Carrie: That’s why! You need to eat.
Me: But I’m not hungry!
Wil: We should make her mac and cheese.
Carrie: Yes. You want mac and cheese?

Of course I did! I think I actually got little-girl excited about it. And even though I had to make it, those two are not capable adults in the kitchen, it definitely brought me back to ‘just buzzed’. So yes, Wil and Carrie saved me with mac and cheese. They kind of rock for that.

On the flip side, it concerns me that this is what my life has been reduced to. 38 years old, drunk on champagne, sitting on my couch doing nothing, excited over mac and cheese. What the hell is wrong with me? At some point, I am going to have to grow up. And soon.

TEXT FROM LAST NIGHT

EVG: I have to admit, Wil Wheaton has a sexy voice.

Me: Right?!? Imagine hearing that during sex!
EVG: I prefer my men not to speak during sex. It breaks my concentration and reminds me who I am actually sleeping with.

She wins. As usual.