Wil Wheaton

This morning (actually, this afternoon) I got a phone call from an old friend in California. He is one of a handful of people who probably knows me better than I know myself. Here was our conversation.

Cali Guy (CG): You causing trouble in Dallas?

Me: God, no. I stay in my apartment and do nothing.
CG: You’re lying.
Me: No, seriously.
CG: Really? What did you do last night?
Me: Went to the bar and had wine. Had some guy walk me home and then told him to leave. And then woke up next to Wil Wheaton.
CG: Wil Wheaton?
Me: Long story.
CG: You have a Wil Wheaton story?
Me: Yes. No. Not the THE Wil Wheaton.
CG: I’m impressed. I’m not gay but I’d be in a good mood if I woke up to Wil Wheaton.
Me: Yeah. He’s easy on the eyes.
CG: So I was right. You are causing trouble in Dallas.
Me: That isn’t trouble. Trouble involves cops and motorcycles. I have experienced neither yet.
CG: I’m still impressed. Tell Wil I loved him in Stand By Me.
Me: More than The Next Generation?
CG: I hated him in that. But The Guild… now that was a brilliant acting job. Scratch the Stand By Me thing. Tell him I loved him in The Guild.
Me: Now you do sound gay. I like this side of you. I want you to come over and help me decorate.
CG: I’m getting off the phone before I sound gayer. I want details about Wil later. I’ve always wondered what his favorite movie was. Not starring him, of course.
Me: Apparently, it is Sharknado.
CG: I knew it!

My life has become a very strange series of unpredictable events. At least I am learning to be social. I am also learning that when it comes to people, men specifically, I really am clueless. More importantly, I’m learning that living off of champagne and macaroni and cheese is indeed possible.