Spitfire called me during my curled-up-on-the-couch-sobbing episode and
immediately heard it in my voice. She came over and let me cry all over her. It
is strange how good she is at that. I never have to say anything to her. Never.
Plus, she is hands-down the best hugger on earth.
And there is magic to Spitfire. In minutes of seeing her I feel better.
Well, at least it seems like magic. What it really is is warmth. True warmth.
The kind of warmth that emanates and lingers. She may be all of five feet tall,
but being around her is safe and calming. God forbid I ever find a man that has
this same quality. He would be in trouble. Or I would.
My self-pitying episodes never last too long, thank god. I did the dog
pass off with my ex and jumped in the shower. However, news of my sadness hit Arizona
and my friend texted me the sweetest thing a person could ever hear. But first,
let me introduce you to B.
I met B. ten years ago in Bakersfield. He was best friends with my then
fiancé. When that breakup happened (the whole ‘lived off of me for years, hit
on every single one of my friends, cheated on me with a nurse and made all his ‘bros’
choose sides’ event) B. stood by me through all that ugliness. At the cost of
his friendship with my ex even.
Back then my self-esteem had taken a hit. Instead of realizing that it
had nothing to do with whom I was and more to do with my poor choices in men, I
thought for sure there was something terribly wrong with me. That was when B.
began flying out to see me. He brought me sake and Dr. Horrible and, most
importantly, jokes. He always brought jokes.
What makes B. special is that he has seen the ‘broken me’ and the
‘fixed me’ and he has loved both me’s equally. He is the only person in my life
that I am positive will never walk away from me or give up on me. And for a
person with a past like mine, that’s a god damn big deal. He holds all my
secrets, knows all about my childhood and family problems, and has listened to
all my bad choices without judgment. And the greatest part of this is… he is
like this with everyone. Guy or girl, if you are B.’s friend he will love you
entirely. And you will not deserve it and you will be better for it.
After getting out of the shower, A. (B.’s girlfriend and one of the
most beautiful people inside and out) texted me this:
A.: We need you to move to Arizona.
Me: I love you!A.: Seriously. B. actually got melancholy the other day because he says he missed you and he cannot stand to be away from you.
(To anyone on the outside this might seem strange, but my friends are
full of love and we are secure enough to express it fully.)
Me: Aww! That made me cry again.
A.: He really really loves you.Me: I really love him. And you. And EVG.
A.: B. says but mostly him, right?
These are the kind of people I have in my life. And this is why I can
never be sad for more than an hour. I have no idea how I got so lucky. Yeah,
it’s true that I am a dork, that I am single at 38, that I like to drink too
much wine, that I have a movie addiction, that I am standoffish to men. But I
am never truly alone and I am loved by some of the greatest people on earth. If
I were to be extremely honest, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.
Okay. Enough of the serious shit. I had one of the best conversations yesterday.
It went like this:
Evil Handshake Girl (EHG. I will explain her nickname some other
entry): I was in a really dark place in college. Even tried to commit suicide
once.
Me: Oh my god. I can’t imagine. I’ve never been that low. It must have
been terrible.EHG: It was. I had to quit drinking after that.
Me: How’d you try to do it?
EHG: With a refrigerator.
Me: (spits out wine) HAHAHAHAHA! With what? Oh my god. I am sorry. HAHAHA! Did you say a refrigerator? (trying to breathe)
EHG: Yes.
Me: Ha. Ha. Oh god. Ok. Sorry. What did you do? Lock yourself in one?
EHG: No. It was a mini frigde.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Holy shit! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I feel so bad for laughing. HAHAHAHAHA! How the fuck do you off yourself with a mini fridge?
EHG: I slammed it into my stomach.
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That’s how you give yourself an abortion. Not how you kill yourself! HAHAHAHA!
EHG: I was drunk!
Me: That is the most god awful and hysterical suicide plan ever! HAHAHAHAHA!
EHG: I was also naked during this time.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Stop. Stop. No more. HAHAHAHAHA!!
EHG: (giggling)
Me: I’m keeping you around. You are god damn funny. You got more stories like this?
EHG: Oh, yeah.
Me: Oh, you and I are about to be inseparable.
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