Every now and then, one of the few friends that has access to this blog
will text me trying to guess who people are. Here were the texts I got today:
Cali Girl (CG): So I know who the ex-fiancé is but who is Hannah?
Me: Your old roommate (her real name)!CG: Holy shit! Seriously? Damn… I didn’t realize she was such a wreck!
Me: Oh my god, yeah.
CG: I’m going to have to reread it now that I know who it was!
Me: I think this was before you lived with her, but yes. She was a mess.
CG: Yeah, it would have been before I was with her. She’d actually gotten her shit together much more by that point and I rarely saw her cry. Thank god!
Me: She cried EVERY TIME I saw her.
CG: Oh fun. I just got her drunk and fucked her.
Me: I never thought of that.
CG: It wasn’t my fault. For weeks she had been talking about how she was curious and how she thinks it would good. She just needed an excuse. So I got her drunk and she got slutty.
Me: LOL!!
CG: B. helped. I think that was when he realized I was the threesome whisperer. That weekend I managed to arrange two different threesomes. Not planned. Just taking advantage of the situation.
Me: You really are the threesome whisperer!
CG: I know. It’s kind of my superpower. I’ve had more threesomes than most people have had partners. Seriously. God, I really am a slut.
Me: I don’t know whether to shake your hand or watch my alcohol intake around you.
CG: Whatev’s. You know you’d love it.
Me: I’m too selfish and focused for threesomes. Maybe too mean.
She is currently mailing me strawberry cheesecake bars. I think she is trying to seduce me. I love my
friends.
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