I tried writing for NANOWRIMO before I resorted to deadening my brain with useless television shows. I pushed out a thousand words and gave up. I thought about calling friends, getting out of the apartment, doing SOMETHING with myself. But, alas, I had no motivation to be social or carry on a conversation or move more than 100 feet from my couch or my bed.
There is this thing that my brain does when I am sad or stressed. It decides to be sad or stressed about EVERYTHING. For example, here was one of the conversations that went through my head last night:
Stressed Me: The company is downsizing rapidly. They will be getting rid of us soon. We have nothing saved. Nothing! We will be homeless and we can’t even live in our car because it is about to die. We have nowhere to go!
Sad Me: You think that’s bad? When is the last time we had a healthy
relationship? Ever notice that every single person we have ever dated has left us
for something or someone else? One or two, I get that but every single one of
them? I think there is something wrong with us.
Stressed Me: Shut up about relationships, Sad Me, that is the least of
our problems. I’m trying to figure out how we can get a car to live in. How is
it that we are living paycheck to paycheck? Why haven’t we gone out and gotten that
second job? Oh, I know! Because that would require a car!
Sad Me: Oh my god, enough about the damn car! How about the holidays?
We will be sitting here cooking for one and wrapping presents for a dog. We are
going to need lots of wine. Lots and lots.
Me Me: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!! I am trying to watch Once Upon a Time here!
Can either of you explain this weird attraction I have to Peter Pan? I mean,
look at his ears. They are amazing. Is it wrong that I think he is hot?
Sad Me: He is 18, remember? So I guess it is only ethically wrong.
I should note that I need to get curtains for my place as soon as possible. My blinds are terrible. They are bent and do not close all the way which means my neighbors get to witness my talking-to-myself couch life. First floor, even, so it’s all up close and personal. Why do you not sound more concerned about this, you ask? Because my neighbors have witnessed far worse than this. My first month here I came strolling out of the shower fully naked, grabbed a glass of water and bent over (butt facing window) to feed the dog. All with open blinds and a courtyard full of neighbors. And I did this with a bulky white shower cap on my head. Not sexy at all. So worrying about curtains at this point is like someone throwing you a life raft after you’ve drowned. The sentiment is sweet but it is completely pointless. I still need to do it. And soon. Before I become known as the crazy naked dog lady… if that has not already happened.
On a positive note, sushi is back on with my sumo-baby friend tonight. She is weirder than I am, believe it or not, so tonight will be a blast. Saki bombs, anyone? Why, I don’t mind if I do. Plus we are staying in the circle (yeah, that’s what they call my neighborhood) which means I do not have to worry about my car breaking down. Life is looking up!
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