Ghostbusting and Sex with EVG's Brother

Last night, or shall I say this morning, I woke up briefly and saw that I had gotten an email from Exploding Vibrator Girl. It simply stated that her brother had read my blog and enjoyed it. Even though I was half asleep, I wrote her back and told her that I loved her brother because they share the same DNA (aren’t I adorable?) and then I rolled over and went back to sleep; it was 4am for fuck’s sake. This all sounds innocent enough, right? No. At least not in my subconscious and so the dream began…

EVG and I decided to move to the happiest state in America. We chose Hawaii. Our dream reasoning was that everyone in Hawaii has got to be happy, they’re in effing Hawaii! I think we might have swum there. We are amazing like that.

My job in Hawaii was as a ghostbuster. Yeah, I said it, a god damn ghostbuster. While you were sleeping and dreaming about poppy fields or falling off buildings, I was dreaming about hunting down ghosts in Hawaii while wearing a pimpin’ jump suit and a backpack full of kick ass. Does it get better than that? Oh, yes it does.

After a rather nasty fight with Shannon Doherty and Holly Marie Combs, they decided to kick me off the ghost team. (Okay, you caught me, I watched about 6 episodes of Charmed last night. Don’t judge! I also drank wine out of a sippy cup, knitted a headband and ate half a block of cheese. This is what my life has been reduced to, so of course I was watching Charmed.) I am not entirely sure of the reason for the fight but it had something to do with the fact that my toenail polish was peeling off and that I was a size five and not a size one like they were. Sounds like a legit enough reason to fire me. (shrug)

After the fight, EVG and I decided to eat at a Basque restaurant. It was her, her friend Jose and her brother. And me of course. Blah blah blah lots of boring nonsensical stuff happened. There was a funny moment where people were cheering for us as we drove by in the back of a truck like we were Hunger Games contestants. And so on…

And then the sex part happened. Me and EVG’s brother. Once in the jungle and once in the ocean. In real life these are dangerous and uncomfortable environments to be having sex in. I mean you seriously never want to be naked around sharks and wild monkeys. Just some practical advice I like to follow and it has kept me alive so far. Wait… are there wild monkeys in Hawaii? Anyways, in dreamy land it was very romantic and passionate. Very. So when I woke up in the middle of Texas, sexless and horny, staring into the face of a drooling dog with no ocean or jungle anywhere close to me, I about damn near cried. Damn you and your emails, EVG!!

Since I had nothing better to think about this morning I have been analyzing my own dream. Dear Freud, what the hell could all this mean? Or should I be asking Jung? Whatever. One of those fuckers would have had an answer. But I don’t speak German well and they are both dead so I will draw my own conclusions.

Dream Meaning Possibilities:

1.      I must quit my job, move to Hawaii, start a ghost hunting business and then find EVG’s brother and rape him.

2.      I need to stop watching so much TV and buy a decent vibrator.

I prefer #1.

In other news, I need some new clothes due to my continual weightloss (not complaining), some winter boots, a dress for the Christmas party (a date would be nice too but I don’t have any guy friends in Bakersfield), and a new carpet cleaner. However, these would be responsible purchases and the PS4 goes on sale today. Yeah, you heard me, the PS4. And if there is one thing that trumps shoes and dresses and carpet cleaners, it would be video games. Take that, adulthood!!

I have nothing more to say.

- Fin