The Failure of 'The Plan'

Confession: I write this while nursing a killer hangover.

Besides getting way too drunk on wine, nothing eventful happened. I took my own advice and was extremely nice to the Neil Patrick Harris look alike who was chatting me up. (Yeah, I just girlfriend 'chatting me up'. Deal with it.) But NPH was boring. And he was from Arkansas. So my attention span only lasted about an hour and a half.

The reality is, I can't talk to guys in bars with any seriousness. The whole time I am thinking he just wants to get laid or he is an alcoholic or he is obviously a serial killer. So when he asked about seeing me again, maybe doing something fun, I completely lost interest.

The rest of my night I poured chardonnay down my throat and talked nerd stuff to D. Video games, TV series, I think anime was thrown in there at some point. (D. is just a regular at the bar and not a person of interest.) The end of the night my girl friend filled in the blanks for me. She had left with NPH and his friend to take them home, came back, dragged me to the bathroom, gave me some water and then drove me to my apartment. I guess the birthday girl  we came with left with a guy friend for a night of debauchery, lucky bitch. But I recall none of that.

I am beginning to think there might be an AA meeting in my future if my nights continue to be like this.

In other news… I was depressed all morning. NO IDEA WHY!! Ok, I have an idea. I hate not having a family here to spend time with. I hate being surrounded by bars and creepy men and religious fanatics and cowboy paraphernalia and trust fund babies. And as much as I proclaim otherwise, as much as I shout it loud and to anyone who will listen, as much as I lie to myself, the fact is… I hate being in this damn circle all the time. (sigh)

So my new goal is to face my sadness and kick its ass. I will drown in it until I learn to swim. Either that or become a robot. I’m fine with either.

But as for saying yes to dinner and dates... that plan can suck it.