Dick Pics - The Unwanted Dating Trend

Back in the beginning of last year, when I was newly single and at least five years out of the dating world, I discovered a disturbing trend among single men. Dick pics. When did this happen? When did sending a digital photo of your member become part of the dating process? Sure, we had a nice dinner, shared some jokes, polished off a bottle of wine. You drove me home, hugged me good night. We made plans for next week. And… picture of your penis? What the fuck?

Ok, fine, one or two of the guys were polite enough to warn me first, to which my reply was always… please no. But there were an occasional few that felt the need to surprise me with a very unwanted cock shot.

Maybe… MAYBE… it would be understandable if we were sleeping together or dating exclusively. Even then, I’ll just swing by and take a look. No need to capture the image and interrupt my project meeting with a picture of your lady dagger. (By the way, boys, it doesn’t look any bigger if you zoom in; in fact, zooming in makes me think you fall in the 4 inches or below category. Not good at all.)

And here’s the deal about penises, you want to know when we actually like them? When they are attached to a man we give a shit about. And even then, we would never look at a picture of it and go “I can’t wait until that’s inside me!” No, we think, “He must not be busy right now. I never knew he had a freckle there.” That’s what we think. Don’t get me wrong, if you happen to fall into the ‘sleeping with me’ or ‘I’m very interested in you and we’ve been on several dates’ groups, I would probably love to see your penis. In person!

But if I only met you twice, you can be assured that I am sharing your pecker pic with my girlfriends and giggling. A lot. I promise you.

Me: So, we only went to dinner twice and look at this text. (forwards her the image)

Michigan Girl: What the shit? Oh, no! He’s one of those! And why is it bent to the side. Did he have an injury?
Me: No idea. It’s seems too small to be all crooked like that.
Michigan Girl: Indeed. (laughing)

Come on guys, is that what you want? Because that’s what all women do. And well, shit, you’re kind of asking for it.

Ok, I’ll give you some credit. Maybe you are doing it to try to entice a dirty pic response from me. Well, it looks like you were out of luck, weren't you? And why, you ask? NSA. Angry exes. Hackers. Internet. Me on a porn site. A few drops of class still left. That’s why.

So please turn off the flash, set down your phone and put away your womb raider.  Because what you think is happening on the woman’s end (oh, swoon, what an enormous dick you have) is just a fantasy. In real life, we are judging you.

My advice: Expose yourself in person like a normal human being.