Today, two things about this travel situation hit me. I’ll start
with the cheesy.
The Cheesy
I actually like spending time with Wil. I know, I know. This
isn’t a healthy situation. I’m not supposed to enjoy being around a boy. That’s how you set yourself up for
heartache, that’s how they hook you, that’s the point of no return, blah blah
blah. But it isn’t just a doey-eyed, little school girl thing. I actually enjoy
his company. We can watch movies until our eyes bleed or play videos games or
surf the net or just lie there in a perpetual state of hung over-ness. It’s
like (dare I say it) hanging out with one of my best friends.
And he doesn’t mind me in fuzzy pj’s sans makeup. I can go
over to his house, never move from the couch, be amazingly comfortable and
drink wine from clean-ish glasses. Does it get better than that? No. No it does not.
My point is, I will miss him. Incredibly.
The Not So Cheesy
I will miss sex. I’ve gotten spoiled in this area. My three
times a week quota has not been a problem. My average is now five to six times a
week. Yay, sex hungry me!! So what in the shit am I going to do if I'm gone for five days? This is a very serious problem. One that requires a very serious
solution.
Thank god I think ahead about these things. Thank god I can
come up with brilliant solutions. What exactly is my brilliant solution, you
ask? To amass a large vibrator collection immediately. IMMEDIATELY!
Okay… back
to Amazon we go. I know what you’re thinking. Why amazon? Why not Adam and Eve
or some online sex shop that specializes in all my masturbating needs? You
know, you ask a lot of stupid questions.
The first reason is the reviews. Amazon sex fiends are awesome
reviewers. I can easily find out if the vibrator is too small, too loud, breaks
down easily, blows up after five uses. In fact, if you want to see the most
thorough reviews on a product, just look at any sex toy on Amazon. It’s serious
shit.
Second is the prices. My $129.99 purchase today ended up at $24.99.
Beat that Adam and Eve! You can’t? Why’s that? Oh, because you aren’t the
magical price slaying giant that Amazon is. Hmm.
Okay. Let’s get down to the fun part. I didn’t buy just one
toy, kiddies. No no no. There were sales. There were deals. There were cheap
vibrators galore. So two it was. (I will probably buy four more by Sunday. Don’t
worry, I’ll keep you posted.)
My Purchases
The First Selection: THE CURVED G SPOT FINDER
What? No twisting the thing around trying to peg that ever
elusive g spot? SOLD! Oh my god. This is better than Christmas. If all I have
to do is lay back, turn it on and jam that thing up there, then me and Mr. G
Spot Finder are going to become very good friends. Here is the description (my
comments in italics):
Get in tune with your environment. (I had
no idea that vibrators had that power.) As tension is relaxed,
you feel better physically, emotionally and mentally. (It’s
like a hippy, a therapist and a boyfriend all in one!) Double the power, triple the fun. (I have no
idea what you mean by this.) Designed for the ultimate clitoral,
g-spot and anal sensations. (I am not
putting this in my ass but thank you for the option.) This Galactic
Finger is sure to please your every desire. (I’m
not sure I believe you. I desire to be 22 again and live solely off of wine and
cheesy puffs. I’m pretty certain this vibrator can’t deliver all that.)
Shaped for G-Spot pleasure especially (swoon),
but it can also be used however you please. The silicone material makes this
toy soft and firm at the same time and the built in nubs will provide clitoral
pleasure all at the same time.
The Second Selection: THE RABBIT
What the hell is all that? Beads, clit stimulators, a penis shaped thingy? Did I just die and wake up in masturbation heaven? I must own this! As soon as possible, please. Here is the description:
A rabbit vibrator that's perfect for satisfying your every
desire (Again with the desire thing?),
the 10X (10X? Holy shit!) Dual
Stimulator Vibe features easy to use controls (Because
some vibrator controls require advanced technical knowledge?),
a dual-prong clitoral stimulator (Did you just
say dual?), and lots of texture that will make you shiver with
pleasure. This sexy adult toy is waterproof for fun in the bath or shower, too!
(Oh, you know what to say, don’t you?)
The realistic shaft is topped with a flared penis head, and
is covered with a raised vein texture beneath for more sensation. (Strangely, I find that a little disturbing.)
On the front, the ribbed clitoral stimulator tickles the clit with two soft,
flexible antennae for incredible waves of erotic enjoyment.
The rounded base is easy to hold in a palm for self-use (The most common form of vibrator use, so thank you.)
and the four-button control pad turns each feature on and off independently.
Both the clitoral vibrator and tip of the shaft have powerful motors that deliver
ten functions of vibration, pulsation, and escalation you can mix and match for
the perfect combination. (Mind. Blown.)
Sexless travel problem officially solved. Can’t wait for the
airport security checks!
(Test runs happening in five days if we are to believe Amazon’s tracking. Stay tuned for my reviews.)
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